If you read my last post, you will know that lately, I’ve been seeing a counsellor for my mental health. One of the skeletons that has been dragged up is my need for external recognition. It was rare to receive a compliment from one parent in particular; all I ever got was criticism and pointing out my faults. That’s damaging to a child, and now all these years later, it still plays havoc with any progress I wish to make with my life.
This is one of the reasons why I have been so drawn towards social media. It gives me instant gratification, and like a drug, the more I get, the more I want. It’s been my ‘sugar hit,’ but when the algorithms don’t show my posts to those who follow me, so that they don’t respond, I begin to believe nobody really cares anyway, leading me into a downward spiral.
My husband asked me why I write. For me, writing is something I enjoy doing, it’s my escape, and my way of expressing myself. Seeking approval has been a deep-seated craving, and I’ve been too busy focusing on the external recognition, stemming from the fact that I would have always liked to receive it from someone who was never going to give it to me anyway.
As an indie author, I’ve been focusing too much on the end result; the possible accolades. It has led to indecision and confusion and paying too much attention to the marketing side of publishing, rather than enjoying the journey and what makes me happy. After all, if I’m not getting any pleasure in it, then what’s the point? My efforts should always be placed into writing.
Recently, I watched an early interview for Slipknot’s first album, and Joey (may he rest in peace, bless him) said ‘It’s going to be something that we’re all going to be very proud of, whether it sells one copy or a million copies.’
I am proud of my achievements and the stories I have written so far. I have accomplished something not everyone has done, despite saying they want to write. It took me a long time to get to this stage, and I’m so glad I swallowed my fears and took the plunge.
Writing my stories makes me happy, and that comes from within. It’s learning to give myself some self-respect and recognition, rather than waiting for others to do it for me, for it may never come.
As long as we’re happy with our own accomplishments, that’s all we can really ask for.
Do you crave external recognition? Has social media been a ‘sugar hit’ for you?
debbie-johansson.com 
Yes, I’m an external recognition addict. There, I said it. But I’m learning about contentment and the reward of writing for its own sake.
Hi Brian. I’m glad you’re starting to be content with writing for its own sake. I think this is the preferred option in this business, otherwise we’d go crazy or give up all together. I’m learning to get back into that mindset, back when I started writing in the first place. Good luck and thanks for stopping by! 🙂
Oh Debbie, you of course know you’re not alone in this regard. I feel your anxiety but also acceptance and resilience (as a fellow creative). Recently, I lost over 40 followers on Insta. Couldn’t work out why, probs an occurrence beyond my control, clear out of bot followers or something. It caused ridiculous distress until I remembered why I partake in Insta in the first place: for the imagery, the beauty of it (for the most part) the visual interaction and vignettes of others just busy with the business of living. And suddenly, I realised how too often we forget about our initial passion, desires, reasons and purpose for doing or pursuing those things in the first place, as you outlined. What a silly waste of time! Perspective and a repositioning of it helped me regain focus and joy. Oh and I have one of those parents, too. 😦 No one can give or take more away from yourself than yourself. Thanks for sharing. I hope it helps. Dimity x
Hi Dimity, it’s lovely to hear from you! I agree with what you said about perspective. I’ve come to the conclusion that I will never stop writing, but in order to enjoy it, I need to let some things go. Sadly, we can be our own worst enemy, sometimes! I like the way you describe Instagram. The site is a great visual diary which I’ve always enjoyed. I started using it years ago as photography is a hobby of mine, and I think it’s a great way to see what friends are up to (yes, I’m still following you). Thank you for commenting and reaching out, I really appreciate it. You’ve been very helpful. Take care and see you on the ‘gram! 🙂