IWSG · This Writer's Life

IWSG: Finding Support as a Writer.

Recently I read a blog post from Anne R Allen about how well-intended loved ones can sabotage our writing careers. It clearly struck a chord with a lot of people for there were many comments and some sad stories were being told. Relaying my own personal experience made me realise that I was not alone.

When I told my mother, I wanted to write when I left school, she laughed at me and spoke with condescension. Since that day, despite the family knowing that I write and have had some success at it, they never ask me about it. It was the same when I was doing my University studies. For almost eight years, I studied part-time while raising a young family, and when I finished there was no word of congratulations; I was told that maybe now I could get myself a job. They would not be able to tell you what I studied, what my degree is in, nor how well I did, nor could they tell you what kind of writing I do.

This is why last year I began to set some boundaries and remove that level of negativity in my life. By doing so, it has been very liberating. It has made me much happier and allowed me to focus more on what’s important, such as writing.

Finding a great writing community (which for me is mainly on-line), such as the Insecure Writer’s Support Group, Romance Writers of Australia, along with various other individuals I’ve met over the years, has been a Godsend when it comes to helping me move forward towards my writing goals. If it wasn’t for these people and for having such a supportive husband, I would not be thinking of self-publishing. Instead, I would continue to write, but my life-long dream of publication would be forever lost.

I’m getting ever closer to hitting that ‘send’ button for my short stories before the end of the year. It will be a happy and very nervous time, but I will not be sharing that experience with my family; they’re not interested. I will, however, be spending that time with my husband, children and the on-line writing community; those people who love and understand what I do and why I do it.

This post is not meant to be a Debbie downer (I hate that use of my name), but to demonstrate that we are not alone in our creative endeavours. 🙂

Have loved ones sabotaged your writing? What have you done to remove negativity in your life? Have you managed to find your ‘tribe’?

The purpose of the Insecure Writer’s Support Group is to share and encourage. Writers can express doubts and concerns without fear of appearing foolish or weak. Those who have been through the fire can offer assistance and guidance. It’s a safe haven for insecure writers of all kinds.

Main image courtesy of Pixabay

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Life Lessons · This Writer's Life · Up Close & Personal

Walk Away From Toxic People.

As writers, we need to develop a thick skin when it comes to rejection. The more we expose our writing to others, the more we learn to ‘toughen up’, realising that it is in fact, our writing and not ourselves that is being judged. However, there is also the rejection on a more personal level that we need to be aware of; being surrounded by people who are negative when it comes to our writing goals or just us in general.

Recently, I had such a wake-up call. Unfortunately, I’ve been down this road before once too often, even a long time ago (and is the spark of one of my works in progress) and once again, involves people closest to me. I’ve taken hit after hit for so long that I am reminded of this famous quote:-

It is because they are so close, that we endure their negativity, their bullying and even their desire to ignore us. No matter how hard we may try, sometimes people cannot change what they don’t acknowledge. However, there comes a time where we can only take so much and tell ourselves enough is enough. We need to do this in order to gain some level of self-respect. Sometimes we have to walk away from the negatives in our lives, and that can include certain people. It’s not always easy, but it is necessary for our own happiness and peace of mind.

So how do you overcome the pain of rejection? Focus on the positive; surround yourself with like-minded people and those who encourage you, do things that make you happy, listen to music, exercise. Use such negative experiences and turn them into positives by focusing on what you can do to improve your writing goals and/or yourself as a person. Enrol in courses, join the gym, find ways to further your employment prospects.

Perhaps it goes down to that old saying ‘nice guys finish last’ because it always seems to be the nice guys that get walked on – or perhaps it’s just that I’m not a narcissist. 😉 Unfortunately, rejection is a part of life. How we deal with it is one of the many ways we learn to grow and such blows can make us stronger when facing that next challenge.

Have you experienced rejection at a personal level? How do you overcome rejection? Have you had to pull away from friends and/or family for your own peace of mind?

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Writing

Having an Accountability Buddy.

couple-1343944_1280Recently I read a blog post that clearly struck a lot of writers. Being a solitary endeavour, when we start out as writers, we can have a tendency to wonder why we even bother. Does anyone really care what we do? Does anyone really read what we write anyway? We can ask ourselves these questions when we reach our lowest point, which is why it is so important to have someone – at least just one person who is prepared to encourage us to keep on going.

It is so easy to fall into the trap of listening to the naysayers; those full of negativity who try to keep you down from achieving something or doing something which makes you happy. Finding someone, whether they are a partner, friend or relative that believes in you and is prepared to help you any way they can, can be beneficial to writers. Joining a writing group or even a couple of them on-line can help lift you out of the doldrums of your writing cave as mixing with other writers helps you to understand that you are not alone. Even in a group, you may find yourself drawn towards certain people, working up the courage to ask them to be beta readers and/or accountability buddies.

An accountability buddy can help keep you focused on your writing path and help steer you towards meeting your deadlines. They are also helpful in giving you the kick in the pants you need when you begin to slacken off, yet supportive in those times when you feel you’re not good enough. Being with a group of writers as accountability buddies can help energise you towards your goals as you may wish to emulate the success others may be having; proving that with hard work and determination, anything is possible.

I’m fortunate that my husband believes in me enough to be my accountability buddy. Yes, he does indeed give me the kick in the pants I deserve, insisting I avoid listening to the negativity of others. I still have a long way to go, but I know that without the support of that one particular person, my goal of becoming a published writer would never have come this far.

Do you have someone who encourages you to keep writing? Do you have a partner, friend or relative as an accountability buddy? Are you part of a supportive writing group?

Enjoy this article? Subscribe to my blog and never miss a post. You can also follow me on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, Google+ and Goodreads.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

Writing

Being a Writer: Worth Taking a Risk?

takingrisksI’m sure everyone has got at least one in their life; the naysayers, those bloodsucking vampires that want to drain all the hope out of our lives. They have a tendency to fill your life with such negativity, that you begin to believe what they say; that writing is not a ‘real job’; that you’re wasting your time because there’s ‘no money in the arts’. When you get told a lie over and over again, you start to believe in it (hey, it works for politicians).

Being surrounded by such people can become emotionally and sometimes even physically draining. The best thing is to stay away from them, yet it can prove difficult when these people happen to be members of your own family. Even to this day, for example, my mother feeds me the same old lines I’ve heard so many times before (at least I know what to expect). My interpretation: I’ve always been a problem because I’m not like my older siblings. When others fill you with negativity, you begin to believe in what they say and therefore begin to doubt yourself. That doubt then turns to fear and you find yourself hesitating in even wanting to try.

On Australian television, we have a show called Q&A, which consists of an audience asking questions to a panel of guests. Recently, one of their guests was astronaut Chris Hadfield. He had the audience, panelists and host alike all enthralled with what he had to say, he could have been the only guest that night. There was one thing he said in particular that caught my attention and I had to write it down.

“A lot of us just deny ourselves something in life because we’re afraid of it. We say I won’t do that because I’m afraid. Which things in your life do you decide are worth taking a risk? Give yourself a definition of what success looks like. What am I really trying to accomplish with my life? The real question we all face is not what do I want to be doing in thirty years, but what do I want to do next? Give yourself a long term definition of how you want this to turn out so that you can tell yourself is this a risk worth taking?’

He knew the risks involved in becoming an astronaut, but he did whatever it took to fulfill his dream. If he had any naysayers in his life, he certainly paid no attention to them whatsoever! And this is how it should be for those of us who also wish to fulfill a life’s ambition.

Being a writer can be challenging, but it can also be very rewarding. Life’s too short to worry about what other people think. As the saying goes – feel the fear and do it anyway.

Which things in your life are worth taking a risk? Are you surrounded by negativity? Do you pay too much attention to what others say or do you ignore them? 

* In November, I’ll be taking the plunge and diving back into NaNoWriMo – who’s with me? Also, in order to spend more time on my writing projects, I’ll be cutting back on blogging and will now be blogging on an intermittent basis.

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Image courtesy of Pixabay